Listed at a ludicrous 285 pounds, besides a short stint as a Montreal Expo, Bartolo Colon has spent nearly his entire 17-year career in the American League, garnering 10 hits over 106 career plate appearances during that time. Thanks to the Mets somehow reaching out of the Wilpon Financial Quagmire of Despair (S/O to Jonah Keri) though – the team dangerously handing Colon a two-year $20 million deal to pitch in a city known for it’s cheesecake – the jolly fellow who Tristan H. Cockcroft alleges to steal from the buffet will be forced to come to the plate every fifth day now he’s finally in the NL.
Last night the 40-year-old made his Mets debut against the Washington Nationals. On the boring side of the Bartolo Colon Experience, he allowed three runs on nine hits in six innings in a 5-1 loss to an impressive Washington squad*. The real fun would occur when his spot in the lineup came up – in BFBC’s first trip to the dish at Citi Field, this happened:
One at-bat into his Senior Circuit tenure, and a tremendous Colon meme was spawned; there was the simple Tee Ball photoshop, Colon the fisherman/swimmer, and Bartolo at the Oscars. Naturally too, there were more lewd incarnations.
— MLB Memes (@MLBMeme) April 3, 2014
Unfortunately his debut plate appearance as a Met would ultimately end in a broken bat liner straight to Nats second baseman Anthony Rendon, who calmly threw to first for the 4-3 putout – not that he especially had to hurry. Colon running out grounders might be even more amusing than his taking a ball; Bartolo laughed his way up the first base line, wobbling all the way.
It almost goes without saying that Colon struck out in his only other at bat of the night.
While it remains to be seen if the 5’11 round mound of (Biogenesis tainted) Colon can be a decent substitute for Matt Harvey, a de facto ace of staff while Noah Syndergaard starts the year in the minors and Zack Wheeler cuts his teeth at the ML level, Colon’s hacks will provide ample entertainment in what could be another long year for the Mets.
And when he finally sneaks a ball through into the outfield, you can be sure there will be a post celebrating the occasion.
*including a home run to his opponent on the mound, Gio Gonzalez.